Growing up, I always felt different. I wasn’t the guy into football or sports in general. I had a brief stint in basketball, and that’s a whole other story. It wasn’t until I discovered America’s Next Top Model that I found a sense of belonging in the world. I’m no model, but who didn’t love a good Tyra Mail moment?
Once I went off to college, life really kicked into high gear. It’s also when I found a sense of freedom and started to fully embrace all parts of me. Many parts that I didn’t know existed. I wasn’t confined to the four walls of my room in my parents’ home. I could be whoever I wanted to be, and there was so much power in that. With that newfound freedom, I became quite daring. For the first time, I picked up a makeup brush and made what some would call ‘questionable’ fashion statements. They were probably questionable but I’d consider myself a trendsetter. I explored everything from dresses, skirts, and even a matte black lip. (The black lipstick may not have been a good idea) Honestly, somewhere along the lines, I found a piece of me. A piece I still carry with me today.
As I started to become more comfortable with my femininity, I realized that it was seen as inferior to most ‘men’ in the gay community. I remember an ex telling me that I was the most feminine guy he’d been with, as if I were an experiment or something. Back then, I was only worried about getting the guy to like me at any cost. I’d deepen my voice. I’d dress differently. Basically, I’d try not to be myself, and that was draining. I wanted to be desirable, or ‘trade’, as the girls call it. Well, that didn’t last long, and I have the heels to prove it. I had to wake up and smell the coffee. Better yet, the rosé.
It’s so freeing to get to a place where you’re just comfortable in your own skin and don’t give two fucks. That’s when you’ve made it. Currently, I feel the most sexy in a heeled boot, a peek-a-boo shoulder top, a fresh mani/pedi, and the perfect bag. Just so you know, none of that makes me any less of a man.
This is for the fierce brothas. For the guy who doesn’t fit in just one category and wasn’t meant to. The one who doesn’t want to feel emasculated just because he can’t tell you who’s currently on the Lakers starting lineup. There aren’t many spaces made for us by us. That’s why I’m doing this. I want you to know that you’re fearfully and wonderfully made. You matter. You take up space. You exude love and happiness. You make the world a better place. I see you, and the right people do too.
