The Cocktail Hour: H*E Phase

I’ve been out of the dating scene for about a year now. That’s mostly due to therapy and one guy who thought it was okay to buy me a Long Island Iced Tea on our first date. Yall, he really thought that was okay. What am I, 21? Well, you can guess how that ended.

Six months ago, I started to really embrace my singleness. It didn’t feel like something I had to be ashamed of anymore. I wasn’t throwing myself anymore pity parties for being the last one in my circle without a man. There was no scarlet letter branded on my chest. Just as I was really getting into my groove, I received a very pleasant surprise. Unfortunately, it wasn’t Brent Faiyaz, but this guy was definitely easy on the eyes. He was 6’1, intelligent, and got all the funny church jokes that only we church kids get. He’s a guy I like to call Dr. Daddy. 

So, I have a thing for educators. Either that or there’s some magnetic force that draws them to me. With that said, it’s no surprise that Dr. Daddy was a DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) professor. That was his nickname because he has a PhD and just gives off daddy vibes. Harlem was our show, and we both agreed that Camille should be with Jameson. For the most part, things remained superficial. After a few weeks, the flirty talk got old. I didn’t know much more about him other than that he liked Tequila, and that Toni Braxton gave him all his life. It was going to take more than the living legend herself to save this sinking ship. I desire a deeper connection. Unfortunately, Dr. Daddy was only concerned about whether my milkshake brought all the boys to the yard. Again, you can guess how that ended.

Now that my phone is back dry again, I’ve been contemplating a shakeup. I think I’m ready to just have a little fun for once. Responsibly, of course. Allow myself to be in the moment and take off these damn rose-colored glasses. Let the good conversation I have with a stranger during a night out on the town just be good conversation. I can’t help but wonder if I’ve missed out on a lot of life lessons because I just had to be Mr. Intentional. Maybe it’s time I switched up my approach. Better yet, kick things up a notch. If you haven’t guessed it yet, I’m referring to a ‘hoe phase.’

When I say ‘hoe phase’, I mean that in the most PG-13 way possible. I’ve never been a big sexual person, but I can appreciate a good trip to pound town. I just want to remove the pressure of screening every guy I encounter for the possibility of being the one. I’ve never just casually dated. I’ve always gone full-throttle and put everything out there. I’m the poster child for putting all your eggs in one basket. It never fails that eventually they all crack. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being intentional, but there’s also nothing wrong with exploring a bit to figure out exactly what you want. Maybe that looks like dating three people at once or going to a risqué party. Tapping into my Samantha Jones era (IYKYK) has nothing to do with being bitter or impatient. I’m actually 100% okay with being single at this point in my life. Plus, my prayer is already out there, so I can have a little fun while I wait. Right? I don’t really know what my ‘hoe phase’ is going to look like, but I promise not to show my slip.