The Main Course: Living Single, B*!

It’s that time of year again! We’re all pulling out the festive attire, eating till our stomachs hurt, and giving a little thanks. Beyond that, it’s also ‘cuffing season.’ If you haven’t heard of that term, then you’re too young for this chat. You can exit left where Queen Bey said everything you own in a box is. So instead of cuffing, I’m currently shivering due to the lack of human-body contact in a season that encourages everything from cuddles to a little sexual healing. So, what does a guy with no roster (hoes) do in cuffing season? Well, for starters, he doesn’t wait for plays; he makes them. Long story short, I spun the damn block.

If you’ve already guessed, it’s Dr. Daddy. I’ve now checked myself into Rihanna’s rehab because handsome male educators are my disease. As for Dr. Daddy, he’s still a total casanova, and I like my men with a little Russell Wilson to them. This post isn’t about him, though. It’s about our conversation and a vital piece of information that will help guide me as I continue to navigate my singlehood. We started to discuss the demise of our relationship, which honestly boiled down to a lack of communication. He went all Red Table Talk on me when he started to give his take on why our communication was anything but favorable. He told me that I’m a passive communicator. Now you know that after he made that statement, I read him down, right? *inserts laughing emoji*

He had a point, though. I’ve always been better at showing or doing something for someone to let them know I’m interested, but expressing my feelings was as hard as saying no to just one more mimosa. This was valuable information because it made me realize that I may not be the effective communicator I thought I was. I guess I chose to hold back due to fear of rejection. Who wants to feel that? So instead, I’d silence myself. A big part of choosing to be single now is to find my voice again. I can look back on past relationships and see how holding my tongue did more harm than good. My thoughts, feelings, and desires matter too, and anyone I date from this point forward will know that. Shit, I guess not having anyone’s nappy-headed son around has had its benefits.

Part of my therapy homework this past week was to do a mind dump activity to get out everything I feel about being single. Honestly, I’m all over the place about it. I’ll start by saying that it’s not all peaches and cream. Some days I love it, basking in the freedom of not having to answer to anyone and making decisions solely for myself. Other days, I feel like something is missing, especially now that I’m itching closer and closer to 30. By now, I thought I’d be running around frantically preparing for all the holiday festivities I’ve committed the Mr. and I to. We’d be that cheesy couple who sends out Christmas cards that you stick on top of the full collection you already have of those and others that now have a home in that junk drawer in your kitchen. Instead, I’m over here spinning unnecessary blocks. Is it bad to miss those good morning texts, even if they’re just good morning texts?

I think I’m fine with being single now because I’m the busiest I’ve ever been. Trying to balance work, this blog, the gym, and keeping some sort of a social life hasn’t given me the chance to just sit in my loneliness. Clearly, I’m welcoming all distractions so that I don’t have to think about the fact that I’m nowhere closer to my knight in shining armor than Gretchen Wieners was trying to make fetch happen. What happens when life slows down or when Valentine’s Day rolls around and I have to buy myself chocolate for another year? Well, I’ll just have to pour myself a glass of wine with that chocolate and turn on re-runs of Sex in the City. That may not be the remedy to embracing singleness, but it’ll make doing so a lot easier, and I’ll get a few good laughs while I’m at it.