I was never properly introduced to sex. Remember, I grew up in a very strict Christian household, and the last thing my parents were trying to do was talk to their son about The Birds and the Bees: Gay Edition. I’d never seen or even heard them have sex in the 18 years I was under their roof. So I had no clue about sex, and I think that’s what would start my fear of it. The fear of the unknown and that I’d have a scarlet letter branded on my chest if I even thought about knocking boots. I was also scared that I wouldn’t be good at it. Despite not having much knowledge or skills, I’d lose my virginity at 18 years old and find out three important things about sex: it can be passionate, you’re exposing every single part of your body to another person, and things can get slippery.
It was during undergrad that I found out that I was a pretty late bloomer. At that time, most people my age had pretty colorful sex lives. As for me, I had a little bit of action going but nothing noteworthy. I had the occasional ‘DL’ guy swing by for a late-night rendezvous, and we’d walk right past each other the next day like we’re strangers. What young, gay black boy didn’t have Jack’d back in 2013? The red box was that girl for that moment in time, and it still is for some. Anyhow, I was the G.O.A.T. when it came down to foreplay, but full-on intercourse felt like something sacred. Plus, keeping my cookie selective meant I didn’t have to go through the strenuous task of douching unless it was worth it. Most of the time, it wasn’t.
It’s very interesting that in the LGBTQ+ community, there’s this strong correlation between personality traits and sexual position preference. At first glance, I’m perceived to be a bottom. It’s not to say that the answer would be incorrect (hence the douching reference), but the bigger issue was that I never came to that decision on my own. Yes, I’ve primarily bottomed and have had great sex, but I never felt like it was my choice. It just made ‘sense’ because I liked more masculine men. Most of those guys don’t want your hands anywhere near their butts, let alone have someone more feminine than them ‘climb their backs.’ Most of the guys I dated in the past also wouldn’t even give me fellatio. I felt confined and deprived. I decided I didn’t want to live like that anymore. One day I finally had my taste of some good mouth action (IYKYK), and I never looked back.
I’ve been told I don’t exude sex appeal and that I give off First Lady vibes. Well, the First Lady has her needs too, and they’re getting met one way or another. I’d say I’m becoming more sex-positive. Just being able to write this post and open up about it lets me know that I’m ready to explore what it is I like. Recently, I’ve tossed a few salads and been the big spoon (baby steps, folks), which makes sense being that I’m almost 6’2. Nonetheless, I’m still battling with the shame and fear I’ve associated with sex. Then I remind myself that I’m human, just like everyone else. We all have sexual desires. There are so many fetishes and even hotspots I haven’t identified yet. I even want to bring toys and other gadgets into the mix, but that’s when things get scary all over again. *inserts laughing emoji* The moral of the story is that I’m on a quest to find sexual liberation, and I won’t stop until I do.
